我是陳智揚, and I Love Life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNMm2NlUZoU&feature=g-all-u

As usual I would normally say something about not posting for a long time, my friends asked for a blog a while ago but I've decided to finally write something before I go off to celebrate the end of 2011. This blog will take a while, afterall it will take a while to sum up the wonderful 365 days that made up this year.

There have been many changes that have occurred this year, some good some bad. although everyday can't be great, its how one goes through these events and how they decide to act which makes one grow up. this year i do feel that i have grown more mature, my eyesight may have gone worse, but my sight for life has become clearer, i start to see situations from multiple angles, the analysis involved is great. some might say its due to my poker/economics, but i think its an age thing too.

I'm a third year now, yet I still hang out with first years. I have very grateful for the wonderful freshers and others that have made this first term sosososososo amazing, i love abacus. sure that may be an age gap between us, but i am honoured to act as an older brother to look after them, going out clubbing with them, ensuring that they all have a great time and they do the same for me too while they are drunk. without them, i think i will still only see things from one angle.

i would also like to thank the company that i worked in for 10 months, my first proper job, my first taste into a sector that is rapidly growing, and to be honest, i do not mind going back, but also thank you to them, as i managed to focus on what i really wanted in the future, although it may be difficult to reach my career targets, but opportunities will never just walk to my front door, effort is required in everything.

ok i got bored. but goodbye 2011 and hello second term, library and hope 2012 will bring great brings for me and everyone :)

For your future
ChiChiChi, never give up.

There have been many occasions where I wanted to blog here, but certain things (sleep) have always prevented me from doing so, its 1:50am now, meant to be meeting friends tomorrow, but I want to write my thoughts before I sleep, like the good old days (this is going to be a long blog, normally i cut my blogs short if i'm tired, but today i just want to write til the end).

So then, the second year is over, I got my results...a 2.2. So sure so many people would be going like "congrats chi", "congrats u're graduating soon" again and again, but to me, a 2.2 just isn't enough. I see my mates all getting firsts and 2.1s, I feel if i have let them down. This second year of university has been very odd, I got a job, started tutoring, and from the moment i got back from hong kong i was just working studying working non stop for 5 months. time really did fly and i do think if i used my time well...just not well enough, because if i did, i would have got a 2.1. i say that because i am to blame, not the exam board. i knew the answers, yet i didn't write it down for some reason, if there was something suddenly blocking me from writing it down, another thought, another panic maybe. but i do know that even though i did badly this year i can make it up next year, i have to work hard, i have no choice, a career into investment banking requires a minimum of 2.1, i just have to do well, i know i can, which means i will try and make some changes in my life in order to achieve such a thing. but the result stands, i can't do anything, i should just enjoy this summer, as it's the final summer which i can enjoy before i graduate... ><

again, i'm not going back to hong kong, although it is very sad not to go back, as i love the place so much that i just want to develop my career there, i am quite glad that i didn't go back given all the social events happening at hk. why? because i get to see my bunch of mates from my secondary school.

i don't remember the last time i managed to spend so much time with them, last summer i was working at the restaurant full time, so most of my evenings were spent listening to phone calls and serving customers, but given i have joined the majority of the public in having a job with free evenings, i have the chance to catch up with them now. the nostalgia is so much though whenever we meet up though, its like if we're 35 now when we talk about the old days, but i really did enjoy the last year there, i definitely can say it was the best year of my life, 2009.

the old days were so gd, it was too for you and i (normally this goes under private blog but i don't feel like it today, no matter the circumstances, as its a blog, a place to share thoughts, heart to heart). I've bumped into our history of messages recently, by accident mainly, i once thought that you and i talked alot, that we really did get on well, but i was wrong, what was a long conversion was just one which i was mainly putting the input, but hardly got any output, in finance terms, it had a negative net present value, with warning lights yelling at me telling me not to invest into the project. yet a person is different to a project, you would have feelings, believing that things can go back to the way it was and would continue trying to spark the fire back into the friendship, yet the sparks only went onto moist wood...i'm the type of person who loves friends, my girlfriend even says that i put friends in front of her, which i admit at times i do. i cherish every friendship that i may, there are exceptions, but they are so few. so whenever i stop talking to good friends i always try to meet up with them again, it may use up alot of my time, but i feel its worth it. for you and i to be able to meet, talk and become friends is an amazing event in my life, the chances of it happening aren't so large, especially someone that i can have a heart to heart conversation with. although i want to maintain friendships, my approach to continue/restart them are...odd. in fact i very stupidly realized it was odd/annoying when an old friend did it to me, asking the same questions i would ask you, even i wanted to stop the convo and block them, and i have a high EQ (in my opinion). which is why i have just written another odd message to you recently. although i believe i can have some sort of control in my life, whether someone wants to continue a friendship isn't under my control, its up to them, its their freedom of choice. who knows what happens, maybe their name would slowly be forgotten in my life, only remembering them when facebook tells me its their birthday today, or maybe we will meet up in a few years by accident, start talking again and be good friends again, or maybe its just ceased. short. dead. no more talking. i'm hungry. it's 2.33am now. i have taken one or two breaks to check facebook etc, or to just lie there in bed, thinking about the things that i have just written. i would think, "will they see this?", "they better not", "what if they know i am talking about them?" but at this moment, i don't really care. i just know that i can be stupid, childish, innocent, pure for this last year, but once i graduate, i have to man up, no let such things bother me so much, let it pass, because its just life. hmm i sound like a bak por. sorry.

the first two paragraphs about friends and uni were part of improv blogs which i wanted to write at the time, but i've lost the feeling, this and the last paragraph have been improv blogs, just writing away my thoughts, its been a long time xanga. i've missed you. maybe i should write here more often, not caring if they see this or not, but for many reasons, i'm not going to post this on facebook. so i can talk about them, but not publish on facebook, but if you do see this and you think its about you, it may be. it may be not. don't let it affect anything. because if it does, i deserve a slap in the face, and i don't deserve to be your friend. but for the others that can guess who, private message me on xanga or facebook and i will truthfully answer. one chance only though. woo sounds more like a youtube video now.

more blogging soon, i promise promise promise promise promise. i don't actually want to stop writing, only my brain is advising me to stop, as its late. hello internet and how this will be another mark that i can't get rid of on the internet.